Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
