cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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