so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
