Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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