ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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