Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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