im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
