I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
do herpes really smell.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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