so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize