Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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