I got chris browned last night
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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