her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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