What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
