Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
