Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
