Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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