the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
