please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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