Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
