Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
