so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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