You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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