I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
