idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
