i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
