Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize