I'm pants shitting drunk right now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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