If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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