Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
