you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
