"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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