Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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