I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
