your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
