Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
