yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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