There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
