I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
