Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
