the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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