I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
