I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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