You just made me feel so damn special
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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