Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
