You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
as a side note pls kill me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
