I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
