I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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