this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just found a bag of teeth...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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