Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
