I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
