remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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