They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
