I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
