So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She said her name was "party"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
