umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
