I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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