So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
