Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
