I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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