opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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