Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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