Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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