I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My vagina is officially offended.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
