I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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