I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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