Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
