He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
