Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is it because I queefed?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You are a genius and a whore.
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