I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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