sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
