I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
