so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
