Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Found your dick twin last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
