I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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