my mouth tastes like poor choices
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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