Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
