I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize