I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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