apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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