So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
