i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
