btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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