I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
