i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
