I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize