actually, I'm a sock model
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
