I'm really into asian looking animals
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
