I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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