I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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