I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
