Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
