i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
