Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
