Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
