porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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