after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize