I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
