Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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