Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i now understand why vodka
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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