Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
