Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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