Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize