Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize