my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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