You're my little dorito
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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