Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
