im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize