Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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