WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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