i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
