Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize