Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize