I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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