Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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