I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
